Gnome of Rome: Remembering John Druckenmiller
The Merry Month of May & the Death of Hometown Headlines Radio Edition
Life is more enjoyable whenever we appreciate small blessings, and nothing was more blessed than when Rome’s John Druckenmiller (or just Druck for short) ended his Hometown Headlines Radio Edition—and what a blessing! What once was an annoying, eight-year fixture on terrestrial radio is now thankfully relegated to one of those many podcasts lost in the massive shuffle of podcasts. May is the two-year anniversary of the show’s demise. Let’s revel and make merry.
Known by many as the Fat Mouth of Rome or the Rome Gnome, Druck had a face for radio. He spoke in a style that was indecipherable: belches, burps, indigestions, lip smacks, gut growls, P-pops (smashing the mic’s diaphragm), S-sounds (cutting through the mic’s cover). But, how Druck said things paled in comparison to the things he actually said because most of what he spouted was nonsense; the vaults of the Radio Edition are filled with some prized drivel:
Druckism 1: “I read that article last week. I got pissed off.”
Druckism 2: “Berry good—Shorter bad.” [a paraphrase]
Druckism 3: “It’s river day around here.”
Druckism 4: “Gators.”
Druckism 5: “I don’t like Trump.” [a paraphrase]
Druckism 6: “Scotty was texting me. They ain’t no traffic. You dog. You dog.”
Druckism 7: “I stopped watching at half-time. I went to bed, got up. The phone rang. North Carolina won.”
Druckism 8: “When y’all go to do more work on that tennis center, it ain’t Christmas. Keep it simple. We don’t want no ponies.”
Druckism 9: “I be lovin’ me some Florida Gators.”
Druckism 10: “Shorter is going to court ‘cause day [sic] tough. The alumni is getting pee-ode.”
Druckism 11: “Shorter bad—Berry good” [a paraphrase]
Druckism 12: “When it thunders, my dog cowers under the desk.”
Druckism 13: “What’s it like to run Darlington, a legacy school with a bunch of foreigners.”
Druckism 14: “They cut the wrestling program. I’m mad y’all. Shorter is a private college. They can do what they want to do. But, when it starts impacting the local economy, then I got a problem.”
Druckism 15: “When it comes to weather, you watch and wait.”
Druckism 16: “Orange man bad.” [a paraphrase]
Druckism 17: “I like to slap mayonnaise on just about anything…makes it a lot better.”
Now in all fairness, Druck is a decades-old media veteran, a veteran that has managed the traps and pitfalls of mass media—for that he must be commended. Said another way, when looking for local news “Who doesn’t go to Hometown Headlines?” Still, Druck struggles with the spoken word—a real irony for someone once in talk radio and now in podcasting.
So this week, the Rome Town Crier is counting its blessings as it no longer has to hear the “snap, crackle, & pop” of Druck on the morning airwaves; the sanctity of “drive-time” has been restored; NW Georgia owes considerable gratitude to the Rome Radio Partners. But in honor of this media veteran, the Crier would like to award Druck the first ever Merry-Andrew Award. This award honors NW Georgia personalities that lack clarity while speaking in a style that burps words, throttles words, gargles words, twangs words, assaults words, nasals words—in short just destroys the English language through a lack of knowledge thereof.
May the Hometown Headlines Radio Edition RIP.