Violence Erupts at Local Library
Drag Queens v. Porn Stars
Recently, officials in Rome hosted a “Porn-Star Story Hour” at the public library, all in a good-faith effort to support diversity, inclusion, and equity—or DIE. Billed as a truly inclusive event, the goal was to have porn-stars read books to young children, the porn stars being dressed in various costumes typically worn by porn stars—school-girl attire, business-woman attire, men in uniform, etc. all. Three NW Georgia porn stars were in attendance: Lucy Lick, Anna Assgiver, and Steven Shaft.
As Lucy Lick was reading—a book called Porn Stars Show Kids How to Use Spit!—the front door of the library was smashed open by twelve drag queens, the queens calling themselves the “twelve apostles” and demanding that the reading cease and desist.
According to one eye-witness checking out a book at the circulation desk, it “was like a scene from the Old Testament. You know that part in Genesis 19 when the angels visited Lot? The gays in Sodom and Gomorra wanted to butt bang those angels and Lot hid them in his house and locked the door. Then the gays pressed sore upon the angels and Lot and came near to break the door. That’s exactly what it was like when those drag people busted open that library door. The gay used to be so polite; now, they want to bust open the doors to get that booty—and child booty at that.”
According to a second eye-witness browsing the stacks, the commotion “was a lot like that time that trans-shooter shot open that school door in Nashville to get those Christian kids. And when you think about it, thank God that trans-shooter in Colorado got arrested before they/them/she/he/it could shoot-up that school.”
According to a third eye-witness, it was “violent as they stormed in, like that time when those trans-people attacked Riley Gaines at San Francisco State University.”
According to a fourth eye-witness at the reading, Steven Shaft—who was dressed like a plumber—demanded an explanation for the interruption. The “twelve apostles” then demanded that a portion of the public space be segregated and reserved for “drag only” readings.
According to a fifth eye-witness, Rome officials quickly brokered an agreement between the competing factions. As such, the library was sectioned off, and the drag queens were allowed to read to one group of children while the porn stars read to a different group. At the conclusion of the reading, the drag queens showed the children how to “tuck it,” and the porn stars showed the children how to use “spit” for various forms of penetration.
Now, on the first Monday of every month, there will be a “Drag Queen & Porn-Star Story Hour” at the library in Rome, Georgia. These events are free of charge and open to all children.
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Image courtesy of https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Flamingo_Picture_of_Drag_artists_Patruni_Sastry_by_Manab_Das.jpg (who would probably not endorse the Crier’s view of satire. In fact, this source would probably denounce the great Jonathan Swift himself.)